Just before I begin with reviewing my German lessons, I would like to write this (uhmmm I think very important thing), to help those who are probably having some feelings of discomfort, afterall this blog is meant to be read today and in the future, by anyone who needs it.
Last month, to be honest, I tried to filter everything on my social media just to lessen the impact of bad news coming in contact with me. I am taking preparations for our examination and I wouldn’t like to read something that can affect my mind and feelings (not in a good way). But these days really are not getting any better. Wherever I go, whatever channel I tune in, whenever I read my newsfeed, stories about killings and many forms of violence are present. I am so much bothered. We all have our personal problems to think and solve and yet those intense and heart-breaking news really are unavoidable.
That only means, we can not anymore control the evil that is happening.
But maybe we can do, even the smallest thing, to atleast lessen it..Or probably slow it down.
I am actually not surprised that these days are about to unfold, because we are already in the ‘last days’ and it must happen as it was written… And my mind is open to the realities of this world…
I am not writing this just to make myself known. I am writing this so that people will be aware and maybe just maybe, find some comfort to ease their hurt feelings and even help them cope with problems.
Few minutes ago, I have read a story about a young mother who committed suicide in front of her child and she did it while recording live on facebook. My heart pounded so strong when I read the story. There were no hints at all why she did it but they said it could be because of depression.
Why depression occurs? It has something to do with our neurochemicals, particularly the serotonin, when it gets lower than the normal limits. What causes it is much more important.
Depression may be triggered by repeated situations that puts the person into shame, loss of loved ones, failed relationships, rejection, shattered dreams, down-time in business.. just to name a few, and not being able to resolve or accept it. Environment has a lot to do why a person could be depressed and it has a big impact on how people cope with their problems. It is a big issue and could hardly be solved overnight as this is a recurring process. One day a person may feel good, then suddenly when triggered by circumstances, becomes depressed.
I am a survivor of depression. In my age of 27 (almost 28), I have experienced so much in life and maybe I can share it with you too, if it would mean saving you from commiting suicide, I am willing to open my personal stories.
Back in 2015, I could still remember the 6-month battle with depression. I was not so aware that I was experiencing it already until I realized that the feeling of deep loneliness seemed to stay very long. As the year entered, there I lost my job. I decided to leave my previous company because the environment was not good for me anymore; there were a couple of disrespectful and harsh words thrown to me which later on led to self doubt. At first, I did not take it seriously because I thought it was just part of the environment where my colleagues were all guys (and a gay) so I still tried to absorb and kept those bad feelings in my chest. But things got worse and other people started doing the same. I knew that it was because they have heard and saw how those disrespectful words had been said to me and somehow, I could definitely say, they were influenced. Being a lady and the youngest in the department, I tended to remain silent even if I was burning inside because of harsh words.
Few months later, I filed a resignation letter but I did not say my real reason for doing so even though I knew it would be talked about by many as I did not show signs that I was leaving already. I only told it to the head of our department.
After leaving my work in the hospital, I felt relieved but those harsh words still kept playing in my head and there were times that I started to believe it too, like I stopped looking for a job because I felt I was not fit and competent enough. I started to think that I should also stop teaching my students because I was dumb and I should not be influencing more people. I cried so much because of those things.
On the other side, I also felt neglected by my then partner everytime I had to share my stories to him. I knew I should not rely on his presence but I had no one to run to. I was helpless and I always run to him even though I knew he might not listen.
In our family, we also had a big struggle that time, when my parents have so much broad misunderstandings. I used to tell it to my then partner in my hope that he will be there to listen and support…but he suddenly disappeared. He said he would just be reviewing his cases for the Board exam but he totally disappeared… Without any advice. It was hard for me…
So it added again a stress in my head and started thinking that I am not a good partner and I am not worthy of his time and attention… That I was just a damsel-in-distress asking for his help.
And what did I do to relieve the stress and cope with depression?
1. Stop overthinking– I have previously written an article regarding it, and how to stop when it occurs. This is actually the reason why a person develops a negative outlook to the point he / she will start believing it.
2. Surround yourself with good people- After 6 months of struggle, I forced myself to wake up in the morning even if it felt like the bed was my bestfriend. I forced myself to start again where I was and you know, the people I met in my new working environment helped me to prevent coming back to bad thoughts. I was able to share my experiences with them and find comfort and later prove myself again that I can do things the way it should be done and fulfill my tasks.
3. Leave if you must- If a relationship is unmendable anymore and you are the one always trying to reach out and ‘conquer‘ the other, then it is a definite sign that the relationship is not working and will no longer work. You can not change people. Some may try to change their partners and even make babies or jump into marriage thinking that it would save the relationship or make big realizations to their partners. WRONG. It will just worsen things and you’ll just make it even harder for yourself to stand. If a person is a real cheater, do you think you can change him just because you became his ‘wife‘? If he is selfish and always think there must be a benefit for him before committing to you, do think he would be more concerned about your personal problems and solve it for you? These are just some thoughts to realize so you won’t be dwelling in a one-sided relationship.
4. Find beauty in everything– it may sound like a saying but it really works. When you wake up, open the window or door, and look at the surroundings. Look at the smile of the children playing outside, Look at the green grasses and listen to the chirping birds. Look up at the sky and see the beauty the morning has to offer, feel the wind as it blows or the rain how strong it drops; feel the sunshine as it warms the day. I am pretty sure even if you live in a small space, you will be able to do it and you know, it has a big effect on your thinking and perception.
5. Groom yourself– If you groom yourself, it makes a difference in you because even if you feel not-so-good, later on your body and mind adjusts as well because you see yourself properly cared. Dress accordingly. It doesnt have to be expensive. An old, clean, well matched and ironed dress helps boost self esteem. Fix your hair and keep yourself neat as much as you can and you will see the benefits it can bring you.
6. Eat well– keep yourself well nourished. Even if you have low budget, you can still have the access to healthy meals such as malunggay pandesal. You know, malunggay was once called ‘the poor man’s vegetable’ but God is good because even poor people could eat nutritious food without any cost if they have it or a very low price if it should be bought. You can also use the actual malunggay leaves and mix it with fried rice and put some salt and pepper. Or with instant noodles if that is the one you have with you. Proper nutrition is important so that the mind will work well and help in dealing with daily challenges. Maybe I will also try to make receipes containing cheap and very easy to prepare dishes so that anyone who reads it will be able to have a nutritious diet.
7. Forgive and Forget– Hey we are not perfect, and our minds are not perfect as well… So maybe you should try to use your ‘talent’ in forgetting something especially in these situations. Trying to reminisce every bad moment and bringing it to surface will not help alleviate your sorrows but multiply it even more. Just remember that you too make mistakes and as well as the other people so try to forgive, by starting with small things. You’ll see how it makes you life lighter when you forgive and forget.
8. Pray Without Ceasing– this is the ultimate advice I can give you. Our lives lie in the Hands of Our Creator and He knows much about us and our weaknesses. We fail and become tempted. But with God’s mercy and grace, we will be able to survive and continue with our walks and runs, if we obey Him. To obey Him is to follow His will by doing good to everyone, loving others as we do to ourselves and serving him the right way. If you don’t believe in God, maybe you should start it by now. Don’t wait for the moment your life is at stake before you start obeying Him. To obey Him is tantamount to doing yourself a favor because you are allowing His grace to pour on you. Doing good is sometimes hard especially if there are so many distractions around but you have to commit yourself with it. Doing good is not a thing you do one day or until 2 years… You do it whenever you have a chance, all throughout your life. When you obey Him, your problems might not easily disappear but you have a peace of mind and comfort regardless how violent the circumstances and the environment around you. Lift your doubts and troubles and problems unto Him. Let Him make His way for you. Harden not your hearts.
9. Never lose faith- doubt is the enemy of faith, and faith is the substance in the things we hoped for, and in things we don’t see. To have faith means you will look forward to the good things after every challenges. Even if you are struggling right now, there is a peace in your heart because you know that it is part of life and will someday come to end. Even if you are unsure of what will happen, you believe that there is still a hope and chance after a failure.
I wish in my own simple way, I am able to reach out and alleviate the heaviness that you feel. If you have some questions or need some advice, you can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I read every email regardless of the concern so don’t be shy, I will reply to you privately. I am not a counselor but I am willing to listen to your story.
Liebe Grüße von Hershee ❤