A day before yesterday, I was having a real deal in decision making if I should buy a cellphone on this month or on the next but because I got so excited with its lovely case in metallic purple color, I did not make it long to decide- The following day, which was yesterday, I bought it right after I have checked all the specs in the net. It was pretty and yes, very girly too! It has a big memory that I was able to install the apps that I removed before on my old phone because it consumes a large space. There you go, I installed everything in there, including that favorite messenger way back 2 years. It has improved alot and has got a bigger size due to the sticker upgrades it had in the past months or even years… I then registered again (for the third time) and I felt something that reminds me of the old days, when „he“ used to send me messages thru it (the only one who chatted with me thru this app) and because we lack in communication that time, I decided to uninstall it- There’s no reason for me to use it again because our line of communication is somewhat like a thin thread. For the past months, the history repeats itself. The time of silence has come to us again and I think this is the longest if I am not mistaken. We never had argument before it. Everything was fine (atleast for my own perception) until I just noticed that maybe, I am the only one who is standing in the battlefield? I don’t know the explanation for it but for the benefit of the doubt, I don’t want to overthink and I thought everything is just okay. I always try to convince myself that this is just a usual thing and it won’t bother me. But hey, there are things that really bring back memories! When I installed that messenger on my phone, all the contacts in my email has synchronized and you know what I mean, all the previous contacts I had deleted were stored in cloud and it just reappeared to my new phone, including his contact. Maybe you are asking, ‚did you delete his number?‘ oh, yes I did but before that, it was stored in the cloud and even listed in the favorites! Because I don’t want to flood messages nor make the first move. It’s not a feminine thing to do, though we never had an argument or whatsoever that would create a situation like this. It’s just, there was a sudden big silence between us and I don’t know why and I can’t understand. There was no explanation nor closure, if it is better to say.
There you go, his contact showed up again to my phonebook without my very effort in it. It just happened right away and I saw his photo again, not to mention the detail in it, but my chest felt an unusual thing… I thought I’d never feel again like this, it was like I was having a mild anxiety that my tummy gets rumbling inside and I felt really nervous too, and later on felt depressed again… I don’t know for now what it all means, but I want a peace of mind.
For the past half of the year, I told myself that if ever we would have to depart, then this would be the sign that I would go abroad. This is a painful thing for me. Imagine, all throughout my teenage years, my parents are convincing me to go abroad to work so that I can earn money but all I wanted is just to travel and I did not try the suggestions that they had for me, because I was not sure if going abroad is or is not for me, so I asked for a sign… and Oh my gosh, it seems that the sign is already answered. This is like a breakthrough after a breakthrough.
I haven’t recovered yet when my mom got missing (and still she is) and now someone departed again and this would be a sign that I have to go somewhere abroad…? Who would have thought that this could happen? It’s like molding me to become someone I never saw in my life… but I don’t have any regrets. After all, I still believe in true love, I don’t know if I already found it but I always keep my heart open for it.